my life is so colourful
im so glad i have great frens
=)
well
i guess i still have to say sorry to u
(if u still bother to come n read)
sincerely
from the bottom of my heart
sorry.
i knew ur character
yet i still did the wrong things
and again n again
betrayed ur trust.
i knew ur character
i know u dislike me being lidat
yet i still chose to be unreasonable towards u.
i noe u wun forgive me for ward i've done
i noe u wun
based on ur character.
maybe u wun even see tis,
becux u wun bother reading my blog
ever again.
still..
im sorry.
u tried to give in to me
burt i never realised
i was too selfish.
im at fault.
sorry.
i caused our relationship to fail.
sigh.
sorry.
althou i noe
no matter how many times i say sorry
u wun bother anymore.
burt..
pls forget me ok?
i rather u forget me.
i dun wan u to think of me
and den realise
"hey,i placed my love on her wrongly"
and be upset bout ward i done to u.
jux
forget me.
and pls stay happy
and xinfu.
i'll leave u alone
and wun bother u anymore.
once again.
sorry.

i feel so horrible.
i keep telling myself to smile
and tat im reali happier leaving him.
burt i cant help being painful.
especially after recieving tat sms from him tis morning.
i wasnt so painful before i saw tat sms.
burt now,
my heart is like bleeding profusely.
why?
i've left you so jux leave me alone.
why still come and step on my heart?

tis was how our conversation goes:

him:im so sorry for partially causing tis relationship to fail..to tell u the truth..before u left for HK i was already trying to woo back my ex..

me:we've already broken up.ward's the point of telling me tis nw?trying to hurt me further?if tat's the case,im sorry to tell u u've failed.ever since i decided to break i haven dropped a single tear since den.i've wasted too much tears on u,im nort so silly anymore.if u're trying to prove tat it was u who actuali dumped me,n nort me who wanted the breakup,i can only say u're very petty and childish.anyway i still have to thank u.aftrall we were once happy together.

him:no..i am really apologetic for not giving my 100% to u n it's my fault or else the relationship wld have stayed..and can u nort be so petty to think tat way?lol..u wid me so long ler u think i care who dump who?

me:it's useless to say sorry huh?if break ler den noe how to say sorry,in e first place u shldnt have done tat.well take it as im petty barhs.since u dun love me anymore y shld u still bother to come and apologise?u're free to do anything u wan..jio any girls u like..without me hindering now..and i have to tell u.althou we were together for almost 10mnths,i still cant figure ur thoughts,to me u're still like a stranger who nvr opened ur heart to me..

him:wa..u reali very wad leh..please please dun reply anymore cux i dun wan to hear anymore shit..

me:alright..i admit i was too harsh..sorry.put urself in my shoes u'll understan how i feel.burt my point is,it's reali useless to say all these things isnt it?

him:if i was in ur shoes i wld have been there when i was in need. Where were you?

me:i've to say im at fault too,for nort noticing it when u needed me.burt wld u say u were always there for me too?

him:i tried all the time,didnt i?

me:i tried too.k..relax..u think carefully,have u told me before ur xin shi?or when u were unhappy have u told me before?

him:if i told u i needed help and u werent there..are u even worth me telling u my feelings?i played so many matches too..when were u ever there?or maybe once tat if zarifah stay then i stay shit..or was it siokwen?

me:k.tell me.ward's ur intention of smsing me?if u reali wan to tok things over,i suggest we do it face to face.if nort,we broke up ler,den let bygones be bygones.

him:what's my intention?wah still gort motive one ah?cause u said on friday tat u still like me and i felt bad tat i didnt return the love you deserved..ok?tat was my evil plot..

me:my meaning of intention is whether u wan tok things out or jux here to say sorry.pls dun misunderstand.

him:ok sorry..to say sorry..

ok.it was smth lidat.
wld someone pls pls pls pls understan how i felt?
it was like stabbing my heart
den pouring salt
and pepper
and acid
over it again and again.
and then stepping on it cruelly.
i was alright originally.
reali.
althou ytd i was quite painful
burt timmy was on the phone wid me the whole day
so i felt better.
burt tis morning
the moment i opened my eyes
i saw his first sms.
why r u doing tis to me?
ever since the sms-es
my mood had been changing like the weather.
when i tok to my mum
i was smiling
when im nort
i feel like crying.
a moment im happy
a moment im sad
im going crazy soon.
when forrest called me,
i was quite glad to find tat someone still bothers.
when timmy msged me,
to say tat he has a surprise for me
i was touched.
at least they made me feel tat im nort all alone.
thanks zarifah..
for tat sms too..
i even kept having tis stupid idea to cut myself
jux like ward i did in the past when i broke up wid feng.
becux
when u are reali pain to the extreme
u wun feel pain anymore.
burt i kept telling myself NO.
so dun worry
i didnt hurt myself in anyway.
burt im reali sad.
so sad i couldnt do anything.
and i couldnt call timmy now..
sorry timmy
for using u as my float.
burt if without u i think i wld reali drown.
am i reali very silly?
i noe tat he's a bad guy,
yet i still cant help loving him.
i still love him,yes i do.
i will nvr forget him singing to me guang liang's "di yi ci (first time)"
i will nvr forget him telling me "baby i love u so much..i wan to be wid u forever."
i will nvr forget when i ask him "baby do u love me?"
he sang "love u love u yes i love u,ni ting jian ler marh(can u hear it)?"
i will nvr forget
when i sang rainie yang's "li xiang qing ren(dream lover)" to him
how tightly he hugged me and how long we kissed.
my god.
ward am i doin again
thinking bout the past again.
stop.
stop thinking!!!
i promised myself nort to think already
burt why?
why r those memories still flashing in front of me?
ok.
i lost.
im crying again.
since the breakup i havent dropped a single tear.
burt im now crying.
it sucks.
timmy where r u now..
i reali need someone..

i broke up wid him..
sigh..
it's this the right choice?
i duno..
maybe i'll be happier.
so many things to say
such a complex feeling
it hurts.

i miss you..

im back guys!
touched down in singapore at arnd 12.46am last night
reached home at arnd 1.30am
and slept at 3am!!!
gosh.
tis whole month i've been having fun
and sleeping nort earlier den 12am every day.
i love hong kong!!!!!!!!
*muacks muacks muacks muacks*
it's nort very cold there actuali.
temperature ranging arnd 14-20degrees.
burt the few days when it's raining
it's 8degrees.
the air there is super dry
plus sleeping late,
my face condition is nort very good
the skin was super dry
almost peeling
burt
thanks to the big load of cosmetics i brought along
(especially a big thanks to my toner and moisterizer)
my face is alright =)
except for panda eyes.
(-_______-)||
alright now tat im back
it's time for war.
(T~T)
going to chiong finish all the homewrk
by tis week.
sigh.
fun's over!
zzz...

i love hong kong!!!!!!!!!!!
dun wan study
(><)
haven do finish hmwrk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DIE LER
(x.X)

do u miss me
or nort?

hihi!!!
im blogging again after slacking for so long.
yeaps im now in HK!
it's nort very cold here eh.
23degrees.
(-_______-)||
dec liao still so warm wors.
anyway
the air here is very dry.
my eyes hurt
(esp cux im oso wearing contacts)'
and my lips are cracking.
zzz
at night sleep
the throat like going to tear
cux beri beri beri dry.
the food rocks!!
going for steamboat tonight.
*drools*
yup quite fun
burt this morning was reading hist lect book
*pukess*
read liao a few pages bei ta han liao
den go watch teevee
lols
die ler lars.
haven do hist hmwrk
maths oso halfway done.
think can prepare to chiong until die when i get back lers.
(T~T)

can i say break up?
im feeling terrible
yet i dun have the courage
and i dun bear to break up wid u
cux i love u
can someone tell me ward to do?
why is this happening?
why have we came to this?
someone pls save me
my heart is broken
my heart is almost dying.

today chat wid forest ne
thou he never say much
burt it was truly enlightning
lols.
forest read tis dun float into sky.
burt reali..
after hearing ward forest said
i never realised tat dar was lidat lo..
hms..
maybe i do noe in my heart,
burt everytime gort probs i will think of the worst.
actuali dar's jux like the crowned prince..
nort good at expressing his feelings
and it's jux his character. jux him.
so..
i have to accept it since i love him barhs.
i will try..
i noe it's hard burt i will..

tmr is his birthday
i will always rmbr bcux it's only a day before mine
so very difficult to forget la
it's always him tat can make me laugh
and cheer me up.
i will never feel sad when im wid him.
burt he's jux history,
i noe,
and i have no feelings for him anymore.
still,
im glad to have met him-
somemore who can always cheer me up when im sad
share my happiness
and never make me cry.
such a perfect guy in my heart.

why is this happening again?
am i reali so stupid,
always making u unhappy?
tell me ward to do to be ur ideal girl.
am i jux ur teddy bear?
when u happy hug me
when u r nort kick me away
do u noe treating me lidat makes me very sad?
am i ur gf or nort?
can u stop breaking my heart?
can u stop making me sad?
can you stop making me cry?
can you???
i dun hate u,u noe de
i always think too much?
i think is u too insensitive barhs.
y r u always giving me attitude?
im nort jux ur any fren.
if u cant treat me well,
at least stop breaking my heart!
im sorry if u r reading tis
im nort scolding u
burt im reali very upset.
how can u treat someone who loves u,
and someone whom u love tis way??!
u make me question myself
"am i reali a good gf or nort?"
"am i reali tat bad?"
pls
im begging u
dun push me away anymore can?
everytime when i feel tat we getting nearer
everytime when i feel very blissful
den quarrel
over STUPID SMALL things!
i hate it.
i hate it when u treat me lidat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 MORE DAYS AND SUCKY PW IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

counting down..
wahahas..



and ya
i love my hubby.
muacks. ^^

in the beginning
everything is like a fairytale.
perfect
and almost even the smallest things make u happy.
of cux
small things still make me happy
a little smile
even if jux a sec of eye contact
can make my day.
burt..
as we move on..
things will get to settle down..
things will get simple
and nort as exciting anymore
burt tat's ward love is like.
yups..
i still love u more den anything
u r still my everything.
burt little conflicts occur
every now n then.
making me n u upset
unhappy
sometimes breaking my heart.
burt still.
i will nort leave u.
bcux i love you alort alort alort.
always.

long time never blog
i come here onli to say one thing.
project work sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Damn
Idiot
Nabe
Er xin
Shit
Hum
Stupid
U...cant think of any vulgarities lols
Cheebye
Kanasai
Sucks to the core!!!!!!!

~select all n read the first word of every line~

-stolen from Si Hui's blog-

Message: 10th Grade

As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me.
She was my so-called "best friend".
I stared at her long, silky hair.
I wished she were mine,
but she didn't notice me like that.
And I knew it.
After class she walked up to me
and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before,
and I handed them to her.
She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I wanted to tell her.
I wanted her to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love her,
but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why.


11th Grade
The phone rang.
It was her on the other end.
She was in tears,
mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart.
She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone,
so I did.
As I sat next to her on the sofa,
I stared at her soft eyes,
wishing she was mine.
After 2 hours,
a Drew Barrymore movie,
and three bags of chips,
she decided to go to sleep.
She looked at me,
said "thanks,"
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her.
I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love her,
but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why.


12th Grade
The day before prom she walked to my locker.
"My date is sick," she said. He's not going to go.
Well, I didn't have a date
and in 7th grade we made a promise
that if neither of us had dates
we would go together just as "best friends,"
so we did.


Prom night
after everything was over I was standing at her front door step.
I stared at her.
She smiled at me
and stared at me with her crystal eyes.
I want her to be mine,
but she doesn't think of me like that,
and I know it.
Then she said, "I had the best time,thanks!"
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her.
I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love her,
but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...


Graduation Day
A day passed.
A week passed.
A month passed.
Before I could blink,
it was graduation day.
I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma.
I wanted her to be mine,
but she didn't notice me like that,
and I knew it.
Before everyone went home,
she came to me in her smock and hat,
and she cried as I hugged her.
Then,
she lifted her head from my shoulder and said,
"You're my best friend, thanks!"
and gave me a kiss on the cheek.
I want to tell her.
I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love her,
but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why…


A Few Years Later
Now, I sit in the pews of the church.
She is gettin married, now.
I watched her say, "I do"
and drive off to her new life,
married to another man.
I wanted her to be mine but she didn't see me like that,
and I knew it.
But before she drove away,
she came to me and said,
"You came!"
She said, "thanks!"
and kissed me on the cheek.
I want to tell her.
I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love her,
but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...


Funeral
Yrs passed,
and I looked down at the coffin of the girl
who used to be my "best friend."
At the service
they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years.
This is what it read:
I stare at him wishing he were mine.
But he doesn't notice me like that,
and I know it.
I want to tell him.
I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends.
I love him,
but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.
I wish he would tell me he loved me…
i wish I did too…
i thought to myself,
and I cried.

long time since i blogged..
dun blame me cux school's busy.
hahas..
i noe tat's an excuse thou.
jux come here to pour out my torts.
i hope life can be a little more colorful.
i may be too greedy
to be asking for more
when i already have a great life.
great frens..
great jc life (althou it's stressful)
great hubby
burt..
i feel tat somehow somethings r wrong.
i duno ward's wrong thou.
it's contradicting.
im thinking too much.
maybe it's jux me getting emo again.
it's always the emo period
tat makes me think a lot.
stupid me?
thinking of reali leaving singapore immediately.
leaving my frens n evrything
and leaving hubby.
burt i noe i wun bear to.
cux i'll cry like crazy if i do tat.
i'll imagine
ward if hubby left me?
my world will collapse barhs.
burt life have to go on.
ward if my frens left me?
ward if my parents left me?
ward if evryone left me?
i duno.
i think i'll jux curl up n die.
last night at my gran's house
i suddenly felt very scared
and very sad.
im so scared one saturday i wun have to go her house anymore.
cux she's no longer there.
when i think bout tis
i feel like crying.
life's short.
and being human sucks.
next life i wan to be a cat.
den i can laze arnd all day
and all i have to worry bout is food n shelter.
hubby ?
can i jux tell u i love u ?
i dun wan to let go of evrything
burt im tired
do u noe tat ?

make up post for friday, 28th July 2006

i quarelled wid baobao..
actuali is over some stupid thing lor..
i jux said smth bout him..
den he angry ler..
burt i was onli joking marhs..
i din noe he'll take it so seriously
den it's like
the bus came
he jux said bye.
den i tort he din mean it
so board the bus lor..
in the end he reali never follow..
and i was so shocked la..
den i call him
he picked up
burt sound like it was none of his business
den i never tok
so he jux keep asking me "zuo shen me"
and i jux kept quiet.
den he was like
"hello?"
den i jux say "ward"
burt never tok after tat..
den guess he sensed tat i was reali upset
so he said "sorry"
den i jux said
"how can u lidat lor.."
i reali din noe ward to say..
den he said sorry again..
den i jux cried..
burt he duno..
den he asked me
"so ward now?where r u now i go look for u"
burt he din sound sincere ok.
he reali din.
so i gort pissed and just said
"suan ler u go home barhs"
and guess ward?
he say "ok byebye" and hung up.
i was so sad la!
den jux cried n cried.
den he sms me
"baby..sorry k?"
den i tort..i dun wan to quarrel
i dun wan to lose him..
so i replied
"can we meet?i still wan to see u.."
den he said ok
den we met at zarifah's house tat bus stop..
it took him arnd 15min to reach
n when he came
my tears dried ler..
den he sat down
n hugged me..
i din noe ward to say..
so the both of us jux sat there quietly..
den he softly said
"sorry.."
den duno y..
my tears jux rolled down..
at first he din noe..
burt i was very quiet so he lowered his head to look at me..
den guess he was shocked..
den he kan cheong liao
jiu ask me
"baby ward happened?why u cry?"
still gort why u tell me la
still gort why i will cry
idiot.
den he wiped my tears..
n hugged me..
burt he was at a loss n din noe ward to do..
den he took my hand
n put it against his lips..
for tat moment
my heart was aching
i reali love him alort..
den the bus came
n we board
after we sat down
it was all quiet again.
den he hug me n said
"sorry baby..dun angry ler k?我答应你我以后再也不会对下你一个人了(i promise u i wun leave u alone lidat again)"
den he hugged me reali tightly n said
"i reali love u alort.."
sigh..
i love u too..
burt dun u understan?
it was very heartbreaking when u jux walked away like tat.
promise me u wun dun do it again k?
i still love u de..
jux dun abandon me like tat..
*muacks*
yong yuan ai ni..

tis reali sucks.
alright i have to say
im living a happie life
having a great hubby
having great fun
with my great frens.
burt i reali cant stand it.
when i saw meow's tagger
i was so damn upset n pissed.
it reminded me
tat in tis world
suckers do exist.
come on suckers
leave my fren alone can?
she's feeling horrible enough.
i can understan how she feel
cux i went thru tis once.
meow's my best sister
she's very vulnerable too.
it reali hurts me to see her so upset.
afterall
she was once my classmate
my good sister
n she'll always be.
so suckers.
mind ur own business n leave her alone.

heya~!
today after school stayed back to support my baby's match
he lost 1-0..
sigh..
can see tat he's very upset n disappointed..
wanted to muack muack him to make him happier
burt..
he was totally perspiring like crazy after the match
(-_____-)||
onli can muack him in my heart lo
hahas..
baby dun upset kkies?
最爱你了。
u're the most shuai when u play soccer.
好帅啊~!!!
=)
it doesnt matter whether u win or lose.
cux to me,
cux in my heart,
u're forever the best.
对我来说，你永远是最好的。
知道吗？
宝宝！
我爱你！！ (^ ^)