today went orchard wid my darlings!
we ended sch at 12.30,
so me ahzai tingting n jiajia went gaigai
we went to cineleisure first
den me n ahzai went to eat yoshi
n jiajia n ting went to eat BK
cux tingting la
so troublesome
diedie oso wan to eat BK
(-___-)||
den heard from jiajia ting say cheesesticks is hashbrowns
diaos!
den after tat we walked arnd cine
went to heeren
and walked to far east
very far wors.
burt quite a fun day.
after tat ahzai go meet her baby
and me jiajia n ting went to see bra.
lols!
after tat we went home lor.
quite tired actuali
cux go home still mux do tat stupid chinese essay.
damn!

heyo!!
im here to blog again!
abit addicted to blogging lately.
gosh so tired la.
today had a great guitar prac^^
im a slow learner duh
burt i think i made improvements today
burt i very scared of summer sia.
historia still ok.
sigh.
the sound test is onli 13days away.
HOW??!!!
i very scared i cant learn it in time.
(T~T)

today so paiseh.
kena "listed" in the class diary by anna
cux i pronounced a word wrongly.
so stupid!!
the class diary used to be "zarifah's joke book"
now gort my name liao.
SOBS!!!
i became one of the jokes of the day.
oh man~
signed up for TEC wid my sisters today
hope we get in!
it wld be fun duh
and we'll get to write smth in our SGC
if nort think it will be empty.
lols!

very sian today in sch
cux ah zai never come to sch today.
miss her.
=(
nobody let me hug
den i hug tingting burt she very tiny sia
so i hugged zarifah.
hahas!
hope zaizai comes tmr.
looking forward to see tis happy-go-lucky girl.
and oh ya!
i saw tat catholic high guy today again.
hahas..
he's nort good looking lars.
jux tort he's very the-boy-next-door
so he's quite cute.
guai guai type.
i wan faster go to sch again!
den can see my frens n him!
hahas=)
eye-candy~~~
x)

damn.
im feeling so super happy today.
duno y so high oso.
jux keep on feel like singing
"IT'S ALWAYS SUNSHINE AFTER THE RAIN!!"
hahas..
i noe i sound idiotic.
burt hey the world rocks today!
=)
life's beautiful duh.
im changing my blogskin soon,
when i have the time,
to smth more sunshine ^^

ytd timmy msged me.
dorts.
like~
ward the hell???!
duno ward he thinking.
dun wish to waste time guessing too.
hahas.
wan go out!!
u urself say de har.
better rmbr.
*bish*

alrights my mood was abit affected.
burt ok la i wasnt sad
jux pissed.
cux my fren's gf
tort my fren likes me
n quarrelled wid him.
wth.
den like it sucks dude.
never in my lifetime i wld ever like him.
diaos.
n like wtf
jux a sms onli.
my fren onli ask me ward he shld buy for his gf for vday
den she angry liaos.
WTF
some childish immature girl.
drag me into her excuse.
f***
come on la im jux an outsider
ur relationship gort flaws ur prob
dun drag me in.
childish.
if u reali wan clarify come tok to me la.
dun come n say me lidat k.
u urself cold still blame others?
idiot.

oh man..
im so temperamental tat i cant even take it myself.
i reali cannort tahan myself.
maybe cux i still cant get used to the life without him barhs.
used to feel very cosy n warm
cux i noe there's a him
burt now
im like a kite
with the strings brokened.
i have my freedom
which is great
burt i feel lost
now tat im freed.
so ironic.

burt reali
i have to say im happier than before
onli..
nort used to it.
burt i will.
it's jux a matter of time =)

today i went shopping
bought tons of things duh.
bought 2 sets of clothes
and a new maybeline XXL mascara
to replace my Loreal.
yay!
always wanted to try maybeline XXL
cux i heard tat it's amazingly good.
saw alvin's classmate at today
tat catholic high guy.
he din see me i guess.
wonder ward's his name?
(o.O)
k la
gtg practice my guitar now!
=)

getting emo again.
(-____-)||
i feel like some idiot sia
jux now so super high n happy
now so low n sian.
i wan go out gai gai walkwalk!!!
suck coping up at home.
and
i hope he replies me!!
is he upset at me or ward?
wei!!!
ward's wrong wid u sia!!!
u promised to go out wid me after my common test de!!
going back on ur words!!!!
huai ren huai ren huai ren.
pian ren pian ren pian ren!!!
sobs!

wahahas!!!!
so happy today!!
common test's over finally ^^

i've been dreaming of him for the past three nights.
one of them was us at vivo
and it was smth tat reali happened before
the second i cant reali rmbr
jux rmbr he was hugging me
and the one last night
we were jux sitting there,
and both of us were very quiet
in the end
i saw my fren
and walked away
and he walked away too.
maybe the dreams are telling me our ending.
burt when i woke up
i didnt felt anything
maybe i reali let go lers.
and im happy actuali
to have such happy n sweet memories wid me
these memories i will always rmbr
and keep it close to my heart.

today after our last paper
me wenwen tingz jiajia zarifah n anna went ps walk walk
while waiting for pasta to open
we went carrefour and watched the vcds n dvds
den we four chinese girls was stucked to the show hua yang shao nian shao nu
tat wu zun n ella show
hahas..
den we went to eat at pasta mania
so long never eat lers!
den it was very fun
cux zarifah was keeping us entertained wid her comedy show
i practically laughed until i have stomach cramps.
thanks zarifah for keeping us entertained.
lols!
after tat we walked arnd
went yamaha
den wenwen practically stuck to the keyboard
lols..
burt she played reali nice lars
can see tat she reali liked music alort.
after tat went spotlight and a jap shop(forget name liaos = =)
i love tat jap shop!
alort of stuff i like de
esp the junk food and alort of cute stuff
it was a great day duh.
been laughing since i gort to school
(except for the test and hist lecture of cux)

``there's always sunshine after the rain!!!``
(^o^)/~~

my life is so colourful
im so glad i have great frens
=)
well
i guess i still have to say sorry to u
(if u still bother to come n read)
sincerely
from the bottom of my heart
sorry.
i knew ur character
yet i still did the wrong things
and again n again
betrayed ur trust.
i knew ur character
i know u dislike me being lidat
yet i still chose to be unreasonable towards u.
i noe u wun forgive me for ward i've done
i noe u wun
based on ur character.
maybe u wun even see tis,
becux u wun bother reading my blog
ever again.
still..
im sorry.
u tried to give in to me
burt i never realised
i was too selfish.
im at fault.
sorry.
i caused our relationship to fail.
sigh.
sorry.
althou i noe
no matter how many times i say sorry
u wun bother anymore.
burt..
pls forget me ok?
i rather u forget me.
i dun wan u to think of me
and den realise
"hey,i placed my love on her wrongly"
and be upset bout ward i done to u.
jux
forget me.
and pls stay happy
and xinfu.
i'll leave u alone
and wun bother u anymore.
once again.
sorry.

i feel so horrible.
i keep telling myself to smile
and tat im reali happier leaving him.
burt i cant help being painful.
especially after recieving tat sms from him tis morning.
i wasnt so painful before i saw tat sms.
burt now,
my heart is like bleeding profusely.
why?
i've left you so jux leave me alone.
why still come and step on my heart?

tis was how our conversation goes:

him:im so sorry for partially causing tis relationship to fail..to tell u the truth..before u left for HK i was already trying to woo back my ex..

me:we've already broken up.ward's the point of telling me tis nw?trying to hurt me further?if tat's the case,im sorry to tell u u've failed.ever since i decided to break i haven dropped a single tear since den.i've wasted too much tears on u,im nort so silly anymore.if u're trying to prove tat it was u who actuali dumped me,n nort me who wanted the breakup,i can only say u're very petty and childish.anyway i still have to thank u.aftrall we were once happy together.

him:no..i am really apologetic for not giving my 100% to u n it's my fault or else the relationship wld have stayed..and can u nort be so petty to think tat way?lol..u wid me so long ler u think i care who dump who?

me:it's useless to say sorry huh?if break ler den noe how to say sorry,in e first place u shldnt have done tat.well take it as im petty barhs.since u dun love me anymore y shld u still bother to come and apologise?u're free to do anything u wan..jio any girls u like..without me hindering now..and i have to tell u.althou we were together for almost 10mnths,i still cant figure ur thoughts,to me u're still like a stranger who nvr opened ur heart to me..

him:wa..u reali very wad leh..please please dun reply anymore cux i dun wan to hear anymore shit..

me:alright..i admit i was too harsh..sorry.put urself in my shoes u'll understan how i feel.burt my point is,it's reali useless to say all these things isnt it?

him:if i was in ur shoes i wld have been there when i was in need. Where were you?

me:i've to say im at fault too,for nort noticing it when u needed me.burt wld u say u were always there for me too?

him:i tried all the time,didnt i?

me:i tried too.k..relax..u think carefully,have u told me before ur xin shi?or when u were unhappy have u told me before?

him:if i told u i needed help and u werent there..are u even worth me telling u my feelings?i played so many matches too..when were u ever there?or maybe once tat if zarifah stay then i stay shit..or was it siokwen?

me:k.tell me.ward's ur intention of smsing me?if u reali wan to tok things over,i suggest we do it face to face.if nort,we broke up ler,den let bygones be bygones.

him:what's my intention?wah still gort motive one ah?cause u said on friday tat u still like me and i felt bad tat i didnt return the love you deserved..ok?tat was my evil plot..

me:my meaning of intention is whether u wan tok things out or jux here to say sorry.pls dun misunderstand.

him:ok sorry..to say sorry..

ok.it was smth lidat.
wld someone pls pls pls pls understan how i felt?
it was like stabbing my heart
den pouring salt
and pepper
and acid
over it again and again.
and then stepping on it cruelly.
i was alright originally.
reali.
althou ytd i was quite painful
burt timmy was on the phone wid me the whole day
so i felt better.
burt tis morning
the moment i opened my eyes
i saw his first sms.
why r u doing tis to me?
ever since the sms-es
my mood had been changing like the weather.
when i tok to my mum
i was smiling
when im nort
i feel like crying.
a moment im happy
a moment im sad
im going crazy soon.
when forrest called me,
i was quite glad to find tat someone still bothers.
when timmy msged me,
to say tat he has a surprise for me
i was touched.
at least they made me feel tat im nort all alone.
thanks zarifah..
for tat sms too..
i even kept having tis stupid idea to cut myself
jux like ward i did in the past when i broke up wid feng.
becux
when u are reali pain to the extreme
u wun feel pain anymore.
burt i kept telling myself NO.
so dun worry
i didnt hurt myself in anyway.
burt im reali sad.
so sad i couldnt do anything.
and i couldnt call timmy now..
sorry timmy
for using u as my float.
burt if without u i think i wld reali drown.
am i reali very silly?
i noe tat he's a bad guy,
yet i still cant help loving him.
i still love him,yes i do.
i will nvr forget him singing to me guang liang's "di yi ci (first time)"
i will nvr forget him telling me "baby i love u so much..i wan to be wid u forever."
i will nvr forget when i ask him "baby do u love me?"
he sang "love u love u yes i love u,ni ting jian ler marh(can u hear it)?"
i will nvr forget
when i sang rainie yang's "li xiang qing ren(dream lover)" to him
how tightly he hugged me and how long we kissed.
my god.
ward am i doin again
thinking bout the past again.
stop.
stop thinking!!!
i promised myself nort to think already
burt why?
why r those memories still flashing in front of me?
ok.
i lost.
im crying again.
since the breakup i havent dropped a single tear.
burt im now crying.
it sucks.
timmy where r u now..
i reali need someone..

i broke up wid him..
sigh..
it's this the right choice?
i duno..
maybe i'll be happier.
so many things to say
such a complex feeling
it hurts.

i miss you..

im back guys!
touched down in singapore at arnd 12.46am last night
reached home at arnd 1.30am
and slept at 3am!!!
gosh.
tis whole month i've been having fun
and sleeping nort earlier den 12am every day.
i love hong kong!!!!!!!!
*muacks muacks muacks muacks*
it's nort very cold there actuali.
temperature ranging arnd 14-20degrees.
burt the few days when it's raining
it's 8degrees.
the air there is super dry
plus sleeping late,
my face condition is nort very good
the skin was super dry
almost peeling
burt
thanks to the big load of cosmetics i brought along
(especially a big thanks to my toner and moisterizer)
my face is alright =)
except for panda eyes.
(-_______-)||
alright now tat im back
it's time for war.
(T~T)
going to chiong finish all the homewrk
by tis week.
sigh.
fun's over!
zzz...

i love hong kong!!!!!!!!!!!
dun wan study
(><)
haven do finish hmwrk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DIE LER
(x.X)

do u miss me
or nort?

hihi!!!
im blogging again after slacking for so long.
yeaps im now in HK!
it's nort very cold here eh.
23degrees.
(-_______-)||
dec liao still so warm wors.
anyway
the air here is very dry.
my eyes hurt
(esp cux im oso wearing contacts)'
and my lips are cracking.
zzz
at night sleep
the throat like going to tear
cux beri beri beri dry.
the food rocks!!
going for steamboat tonight.
*drools*
yup quite fun
burt this morning was reading hist lect book
*pukess*
read liao a few pages bei ta han liao
den go watch teevee
lols
die ler lars.
haven do hist hmwrk
maths oso halfway done.
think can prepare to chiong until die when i get back lers.
(T~T)

can i say break up?
im feeling terrible
yet i dun have the courage
and i dun bear to break up wid u
cux i love u
can someone tell me ward to do?
why is this happening?
why have we came to this?
someone pls save me
my heart is broken
my heart is almost dying.

today chat wid forest ne
thou he never say much
burt it was truly enlightning
lols.
forest read tis dun float into sky.
burt reali..
after hearing ward forest said
i never realised tat dar was lidat lo..
hms..
maybe i do noe in my heart,
burt everytime gort probs i will think of the worst.
actuali dar's jux like the crowned prince..
nort good at expressing his feelings
and it's jux his character. jux him.
so..
i have to accept it since i love him barhs.
i will try..
i noe it's hard burt i will..

tmr is his birthday
i will always rmbr bcux it's only a day before mine
so very difficult to forget la
it's always him tat can make me laugh
and cheer me up.
i will never feel sad when im wid him.
burt he's jux history,
i noe,
and i have no feelings for him anymore.
still,
im glad to have met him-
somemore who can always cheer me up when im sad
share my happiness
and never make me cry.
such a perfect guy in my heart.

why is this happening again?
am i reali so stupid,
always making u unhappy?
tell me ward to do to be ur ideal girl.
am i jux ur teddy bear?
when u happy hug me
when u r nort kick me away
do u noe treating me lidat makes me very sad?
am i ur gf or nort?
can u stop breaking my heart?
can u stop making me sad?
can you stop making me cry?
can you???
i dun hate u,u noe de
i always think too much?
i think is u too insensitive barhs.
y r u always giving me attitude?
im nort jux ur any fren.
if u cant treat me well,
at least stop breaking my heart!
im sorry if u r reading tis
im nort scolding u
burt im reali very upset.
how can u treat someone who loves u,
and someone whom u love tis way??!
u make me question myself
"am i reali a good gf or nort?"
"am i reali tat bad?"
pls
im begging u
dun push me away anymore can?
everytime when i feel tat we getting nearer
everytime when i feel very blissful
den quarrel
over STUPID SMALL things!
i hate it.
i hate it when u treat me lidat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

5 MORE DAYS AND SUCKY PW IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

counting down..
wahahas..



and ya
i love my hubby.
muacks. ^^

in the beginning
everything is like a fairytale.
perfect
and almost even the smallest things make u happy.
of cux
small things still make me happy
a little smile
even if jux a sec of eye contact
can make my day.
burt..
as we move on..
things will get to settle down..
things will get simple
and nort as exciting anymore
burt tat's ward love is like.
yups..
i still love u more den anything
u r still my everything.
burt little conflicts occur
every now n then.
making me n u upset
unhappy
sometimes breaking my heart.
burt still.
i will nort leave u.
bcux i love you alort alort alort.
always.