hi tekong, bye hinfan.

... ... ...
he's leaving tomorrow,
according to huimin it shld be 7.45am
and im struggling to forget
burt today at work
when i was staring at the calender doing my invoices
with the big "january" on top
with the numbers 1-9 cancelled
with the number 10 circled
and that UGLY number 11 jux sitting there mocking at me.
and my heart soured.
burt i shook it off and concentrated on my work.

it was my first day of work of my whole 18 years of age.
and i was slogged like shit.
checking stocks, carrying stocks, checking invoices for the millionth time
calling pple, checking datelines, taking down stuff.
burt i thought it was manageable,
althou i was aching all over after it ended.
and it was good to have work to keep him off my mind.

i made a decision.
im nort going to contact him anymore.
im leaving his world n relief the burden from him.
i wan him to go NS carefreely.
so tmr..
is the last day of freedom for him (before he goes NS)
and it will also be the last day im bothering him ever again.
it's painful burt i made the decision.
i would rather hurt than let him find me irritating.
i would rather hurt than let him dislike me.
so i feel like shit now.
bcux after tomorrow
im keeping my memories of him shut deep down in my heart.
bcux after tomorrow
i wouldnt remind him of me again.
so after tomorrow... ...
i would be slowly forgotten by him.

i really need someone by me now.
qin, shu, min.
burt they're all busy i guess,
and im on my own.
almost cant take it anymore..
my nephew aka my fren came immediately to me when i told him.
yes, tat 22yr old nephew.
he's so nice. thank god he's here.
and he managed to help me force my tears down.
i hope my decision could last.
i've been falling for fan over n over again.
everytime i said i'd forget burt i'll fall for him again.
i hope this time it's for good.
i feel horrible living in another person's shadow.
yet i feel so much happiness at the same time,
to know tat im living in his shadow.
bcux it's him and nort others.
i feel so worthless.
so dumb.

tomorrow before he books in,
im leaving him a msg.
the last msg.
to say goodbye.
yuen. hin. fan.
a name n person so dear to me for years,
since i was a child.
now im trying, trying very hard to forget this name and this person.
will i succeed? after failing so many times can i?
pray hard for me?
=)