i wanna forget
i wanna be happy
burt when i see u online again
the pain is there again.
now i know...
i have been feeling happy for the past week cux i didnt see you..
i thought i've forgotten...
burt i realised....
it's becux i didnt feel ur existence (since u r in outfield) tat i didnt feel so bad..
cux i will treat u as a dream...far away from reality.
and since it's a dream...it didnt hurt so much.
burt now tat u're back again..
the pain is back cux i know u're real.
it's nort just a dream.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
another day of work.
working back at Cotten Care was so far so good.
cux new year's just over and there isnt much to do yet.
im in a good mood now actually.
just getting kind of bored.
this saturday is our company lunch @royal hotel!
yippeee!
hope it's good. =)
hm...
recently im feeling rather okie.
the emoing n missing had nort been so strong.
it's like im very temperamental i know,
one moment this, one moment tat.
hope this good mood could be here to stay.
working back at Cotten Care was so far so good.
cux new year's just over and there isnt much to do yet.
im in a good mood now actually.
just getting kind of bored.
this saturday is our company lunch @royal hotel!
yippeee!
hope it's good. =)
hm...
recently im feeling rather okie.
the emoing n missing had nort been so strong.
it's like im very temperamental i know,
one moment this, one moment tat.
hope this good mood could be here to stay.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
it is kboxing day!!
we were also celebrating shushu's birthday in advance
cux i tort we're all working and it would be better if we celebrate it on a weekend where everyone's relaxed and energetic
anyway
i met qinqin up for lunch at 12.30pm
and we ended up walking from orchard mrt to far east
cux she said she wanted to go there.
i tort she said she wanted to go there n EAT so i jux said ok.
in the end we go there we DUNO WARD TO EAT
then i asked her "u say wan come here de so ward u wan eat?"
and she replied "i only wanted to come here to walkwalk cux vry long nvr come ler."
(-________-)
and i was like thinking "tian ar im starving"
so we ended up buying Shi Lin chicken chop and fruits
thinking we jux eat some finger food n later go wisma for lunch.
then we gort SO full by the "finger food" and the chicken chop made the both of us breathe out fire.
we even shared one chicken chop burt couldnt finish it bcux i think the person was trying to murder us by adding so much chilli powder.
he gave us an extra big serving thou. ( maybe he's oso trying to stuff us )
so we took a walk arnd, and ended up to mogu mogu's to try out the cute bento.
here're the photos we took:
chicky chick bento!!!! how cute!:
a close up of the chick:
we gave it a "hat":
qin trying to "sexual harass" the chick LOLS:
and me trying to eat it up haha:
oh ya!
we also saw this weird guy tat keeps drinking water.
it's like he drank TWO LARGE drink from KFC
and ONE CAN of soya milk.
(-_______-)
me n qin were thinking there's a high possibility he'll have his fourth drink too.
well so after that we went to meet shushu,
and went to kbox @cineleisure.
then at arnd 5pm tingting n jiajia popped out with the cake
they bought oreo cheesecake n it was excellent!
*drools*
shushu was surprised!
and we're so glad to see her happy =)
happy birthday again shushu! hope you liked the day! =))
here are the photos @kbox:
shushu and qinqin AND our messy table:
shushu n qinqin with mic:
unglam me n qin take 1:
unglam me n qin take 2:
unglam me n qin were singing "ai cuo" by leehom:
and then after the session ting n jia left while we continued singing for an hour
then meeting up again after tat for dinner @takashimaya
and here are some zilian-ing photos of us in taka's toilet:
(i will add more photos in after receiving them from jiajia n shushu's camera)
that's all for now!=))
we were also celebrating shushu's birthday in advance
cux i tort we're all working and it would be better if we celebrate it on a weekend where everyone's relaxed and energetic
anyway
i met qinqin up for lunch at 12.30pm
and we ended up walking from orchard mrt to far east
cux she said she wanted to go there.
i tort she said she wanted to go there n EAT so i jux said ok.
in the end we go there we DUNO WARD TO EAT
then i asked her "u say wan come here de so ward u wan eat?"
and she replied "i only wanted to come here to walkwalk cux vry long nvr come ler."
(-________-)
and i was like thinking "tian ar im starving"
so we ended up buying Shi Lin chicken chop and fruits
thinking we jux eat some finger food n later go wisma for lunch.
then we gort SO full by the "finger food" and the chicken chop made the both of us breathe out fire.
we even shared one chicken chop burt couldnt finish it bcux i think the person was trying to murder us by adding so much chilli powder.
he gave us an extra big serving thou. ( maybe he's oso trying to stuff us )
so we took a walk arnd, and ended up to mogu mogu's to try out the cute bento.
here're the photos we took:
chicky chick bento!!!! how cute!:
a close up of the chick:
we gave it a "hat":
qin trying to "sexual harass" the chick LOLS:
and me trying to eat it up haha:
oh ya!
we also saw this weird guy tat keeps drinking water.
it's like he drank TWO LARGE drink from KFC
and ONE CAN of soya milk.
(-_______-)
me n qin were thinking there's a high possibility he'll have his fourth drink too.
well so after that we went to meet shushu,
and went to kbox @cineleisure.
then at arnd 5pm tingting n jiajia popped out with the cake
they bought oreo cheesecake n it was excellent!
*drools*
shushu was surprised!
and we're so glad to see her happy =)
happy birthday again shushu! hope you liked the day! =))
here are the photos @kbox:
shushu and qinqin AND our messy table:
shushu n qinqin with mic:
unglam me n qin take 1:
unglam me n qin take 2:
unglam me n qin were singing "ai cuo" by leehom:
and then after the session ting n jia left while we continued singing for an hour
then meeting up again after tat for dinner @takashimaya
and here are some zilian-ing photos of us in taka's toilet:
(i will add more photos in after receiving them from jiajia n shushu's camera)
that's all for now!=))
Thursday, February 14, 2008
happy valentine's everyone!
as usual.
this year's valentine's im single.
and this year,
there's NO SCHOOL
NO FRENS to hang arnd with.
burt hey,
im taking it well.
eddie's right.
valentine's day is overrated.
one can be happily single on valentine's too.
at least im happily chatting on msn now. haha.
to 8 singles???
im definately breaking my msn chatting record.
saw the reply. the doll IS a volks williams.
the point is,
the collectors like to change their eyes and face paint,
so this volks williams looks different from the original one on the volks web.
it's a main structure of the doll, then pple customize it.
ah.. now we know.
learnt so much from this.
and im starting to be interested i think.
burt one thing for sure,
i wanna find that doll and buy it.
if anyone sees it plsplsplspls tell me plssssssssss?
here's the pic of the volks williams im searching desperately for:
it's the doll in white suit, in the individual photo on the left,
and wearing specs in the groupie.
i've found the owner.
he created this doll.
the problem is, i dun think he wanna sell it?
burt i've just ask him if he would sell, or know anyone else who has the exact same doll.
keep ur fingers crossed and pray hard for me pls.
i really really wan tat doll so much.
as usual.
this year's valentine's im single.
and this year,
there's NO SCHOOL
NO FRENS to hang arnd with.
burt hey,
im taking it well.
eddie's right.
valentine's day is overrated.
one can be happily single on valentine's too.
at least im happily chatting on msn now. haha.
to 8 singles???
im definately breaking my msn chatting record.
saw the reply. the doll IS a volks williams.
the point is,
the collectors like to change their eyes and face paint,
so this volks williams looks different from the original one on the volks web.
it's a main structure of the doll, then pple customize it.
ah.. now we know.
learnt so much from this.
and im starting to be interested i think.
burt one thing for sure,
i wanna find that doll and buy it.
if anyone sees it plsplsplspls tell me plssssssssss?
here's the pic of the volks williams im searching desperately for:
it's the doll in white suit, in the individual photo on the left,
and wearing specs in the groupie.
i've found the owner.
he created this doll.
the problem is, i dun think he wanna sell it?
burt i've just ask him if he would sell, or know anyone else who has the exact same doll.
keep ur fingers crossed and pray hard for me pls.
i really really wan tat doll so much.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
i guess i should not watch "e zuo ju zhi wen" ( a taiwanese idol serial ).
bcux everytime after i watch it,
i get too into it and feel sad.
bcux i know i'll never be as lucky as the girl in the show,
to be able to spend so much time with the guy i like.
this is getting bad cux it makes me emo.
eventually the girl will get married to that guy she liked for 5years.
all along,
it was an one-sided love for the girl,
burt after knowing each other for so long,
the guy felt touched by her actions bit by bit,
and fell for her too.
althou i know it's a happy ending already,
i wanna watch on.
bcux it's nort the ending that makes me feel touched,
it's the process of how the girl strived on and was heart broken again n again.
burt still, she clinged onto that faith,
the faith that she loved the guy,
and the hope that he will be touched one day.
i know it's stupid.
taiwanese idol serials are nothing burt fairytales of the modern world.
and that a girl should never get so crazy for a guy,
to put down her pride and soul,
for a guy who most probably will never love her back.
burt.. who says this is impossible in the real world?
it can be that a girl is waiting stupidly for this guy she like for a long time too.
the only part that will never come true is only the ending.
which good-looking, IQ200 genius guy will be so honest n true?
and choose a blur and dumb girl over the other smart beauties?
the ending was bullshit.
burt it still made my tears flow.
bcux..
isnt that ward i'll never be able to achieve?
i duno ward i wanna achieve too.
why am i waiting?
ward am i hoping for?
i dun have any answer.
a simple "hi" could make my day.
a simple call could make my week.
the guy felt touched eventually because he could SEE and KNOW all the things the girl did for him.
burt he couldnt see ward i've done and went thru,
so he'll never know.
how can he be touched this way?!
so it's hopeless for me.
i wished i could be like the girl.
i wanna be there,
burt he's drifting further n further instead.
im willing to do anything,
give up everything,
wait forever,
to exchange that one day of him turning arnd and notice me.
i could trade a lifetime for a day.
no?
how about a lifetime for an hour then?
god can u hear me???!
no. no replies from god, no chance no hope.
no im nort a christian,
burt i've been praying to him since i was 12 to grant this little wish of mine.
christians, no offence pls.
someone laughed and jokingly told me that im under a spell.
i wished, at least there'll be an antidote.
where's MY antidote??!
he was packing earlier,
now, he just left home, back to camp.
i rushed thru my stuff to come back online before he leaves,
so that i could pathetically hold onto the last minute to see the green little figure beside his name STILL green.
now it's back to red again.
and then i'll have to wait another five days before it turns green again.
and then the same routine again.
i pathetically typed a msg to him
gort his pathetic answer telling me he's "packing n have to go already"
and then pathetically told him to take care cux i didnt know ward else to say.
and pathetically came here to emo again.
and then now pathetically staring at the window he replied me,
and that pathetic sentence:
"[ahfan]™ HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!! WISHING ALL ANG POW MANY MANY!!!! appears to be offline. Messages you send will be delivered when they sign in. E-mail this contact instead"
now how PATHETIC can i get???!!!
why make myself so miserable when i can be happier,
why choose misery over happiness?
burt that's my choice.
and i will never regret it.
( this is to the other him is reading this. in case u're wondering. )
well. enough of emo-ing.
time to get back to my senses.
work tomorrow,
and cant wait for sunday to come.
cant wait to meet my mates,
cant wait for kboxing.
pray for me that tmr's work isnt too stressful pls.
bcux everytime after i watch it,
i get too into it and feel sad.
bcux i know i'll never be as lucky as the girl in the show,
to be able to spend so much time with the guy i like.
this is getting bad cux it makes me emo.
eventually the girl will get married to that guy she liked for 5years.
all along,
it was an one-sided love for the girl,
burt after knowing each other for so long,
the guy felt touched by her actions bit by bit,
and fell for her too.
althou i know it's a happy ending already,
i wanna watch on.
bcux it's nort the ending that makes me feel touched,
it's the process of how the girl strived on and was heart broken again n again.
burt still, she clinged onto that faith,
the faith that she loved the guy,
and the hope that he will be touched one day.
i know it's stupid.
taiwanese idol serials are nothing burt fairytales of the modern world.
and that a girl should never get so crazy for a guy,
to put down her pride and soul,
for a guy who most probably will never love her back.
burt.. who says this is impossible in the real world?
it can be that a girl is waiting stupidly for this guy she like for a long time too.
the only part that will never come true is only the ending.
which good-looking, IQ200 genius guy will be so honest n true?
and choose a blur and dumb girl over the other smart beauties?
the ending was bullshit.
burt it still made my tears flow.
bcux..
isnt that ward i'll never be able to achieve?
i duno ward i wanna achieve too.
why am i waiting?
ward am i hoping for?
i dun have any answer.
a simple "hi" could make my day.
a simple call could make my week.
the guy felt touched eventually because he could SEE and KNOW all the things the girl did for him.
burt he couldnt see ward i've done and went thru,
so he'll never know.
how can he be touched this way?!
so it's hopeless for me.
i wished i could be like the girl.
i wanna be there,
burt he's drifting further n further instead.
im willing to do anything,
give up everything,
wait forever,
to exchange that one day of him turning arnd and notice me.
i could trade a lifetime for a day.
no?
how about a lifetime for an hour then?
god can u hear me???!
no. no replies from god, no chance no hope.
no im nort a christian,
burt i've been praying to him since i was 12 to grant this little wish of mine.
christians, no offence pls.
someone laughed and jokingly told me that im under a spell.
i wished, at least there'll be an antidote.
where's MY antidote??!
he was packing earlier,
now, he just left home, back to camp.
i rushed thru my stuff to come back online before he leaves,
so that i could pathetically hold onto the last minute to see the green little figure beside his name STILL green.
now it's back to red again.
and then i'll have to wait another five days before it turns green again.
and then the same routine again.
i pathetically typed a msg to him
gort his pathetic answer telling me he's "packing n have to go already"
and then pathetically told him to take care cux i didnt know ward else to say.
and pathetically came here to emo again.
and then now pathetically staring at the window he replied me,
and that pathetic sentence:
"[ahfan]™ HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!! WISHING ALL ANG POW MANY MANY!!!! appears to be offline. Messages you send will be delivered when they sign in. E-mail this contact instead"
now how PATHETIC can i get???!!!
why make myself so miserable when i can be happier,
why choose misery over happiness?
burt that's my choice.
and i will never regret it.
( this is to the other him is reading this. in case u're wondering. )
well. enough of emo-ing.
time to get back to my senses.
work tomorrow,
and cant wait for sunday to come.
cant wait to meet my mates,
cant wait for kboxing.
pray for me that tmr's work isnt too stressful pls.
Monday, February 04, 2008
still feeling abit grey today
burt the work and hanging arnd with my colleagues made me forget about emo for awhile.
smart nana...
saw thru me and sms-ed me if im ok.
she was the only one who felt the emo in me..
she's really nice,
wanted to take me for a starbucks treat today.
unfortunately..thanks to MR ANTHONY (lao pa) who gort his accounts wrong.
we couldnt go for lunch with the boss and she couldnt treat me.
we waited for the lunch till 3.30pm
cux the boss-es wanted to treat us a meal at tampines.
in the end cux the accounts wrong we couldnt leave
and the treat had to be postponed to after newyr.
in the end we ate our lunch at 3.30pm (x.X)
(-_____-)
sadded`
nana's going back malacca tonight..
wouldnt be seeing her tmr
and wouldnt be seeing her arnd for 2weeks cux im taking leave from 11-15th feb.
something funny happened today.
a customer sent her curtains over for washing
and they're white curtains with star-prints on it.
burt it's so old it's turning greyish-and the prints are fading.
i think the prints were those kind of iron-on rubber prints.
so it's quite fragile especially since they were so old.
and then after wash and drying
the auntie came upstairs to our office and said
"nana, i show u something very BEAUTIFUL."
and then she was like "TADA!" and flashed the washed-curtains.
everyone stoned for a minute and then fell laughing to the floor.
cux after washing, the old curtains were torn with many many holes.
burt the funny thing is.
the holes are all STAR-SHAPED.
it looks like someone use the star-shaped cutter for baking cookies to cut it thru.
and then i said
"now we can call the customer and tell her we've gort her new-styled curtains."
it's hilarious tat all the holes all STAR-SHAPED okie?
LOL.
it's half day work tomorrow
let's hope the kbox outing with qin n shu arrives fast.
i always love it when im with them.
burt the work and hanging arnd with my colleagues made me forget about emo for awhile.
smart nana...
saw thru me and sms-ed me if im ok.
she was the only one who felt the emo in me..
she's really nice,
wanted to take me for a starbucks treat today.
unfortunately..thanks to MR ANTHONY (lao pa) who gort his accounts wrong.
we couldnt go for lunch with the boss and she couldnt treat me.
we waited for the lunch till 3.30pm
cux the boss-es wanted to treat us a meal at tampines.
in the end cux the accounts wrong we couldnt leave
and the treat had to be postponed to after newyr.
in the end we ate our lunch at 3.30pm (x.X)
(-_____-)
sadded`
nana's going back malacca tonight..
wouldnt be seeing her tmr
and wouldnt be seeing her arnd for 2weeks cux im taking leave from 11-15th feb.
something funny happened today.
a customer sent her curtains over for washing
and they're white curtains with star-prints on it.
burt it's so old it's turning greyish-and the prints are fading.
i think the prints were those kind of iron-on rubber prints.
so it's quite fragile especially since they were so old.
and then after wash and drying
the auntie came upstairs to our office and said
"nana, i show u something very BEAUTIFUL."
and then she was like "TADA!" and flashed the washed-curtains.
everyone stoned for a minute and then fell laughing to the floor.
cux after washing, the old curtains were torn with many many holes.
burt the funny thing is.
the holes are all STAR-SHAPED.
it looks like someone use the star-shaped cutter for baking cookies to cut it thru.
and then i said
"now we can call the customer and tell her we've gort her new-styled curtains."
it's hilarious tat all the holes all STAR-SHAPED okie?
LOL.
it's half day work tomorrow
let's hope the kbox outing with qin n shu arrives fast.
i always love it when im with them.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
~still waiting stupidly.~
work was crazy ytd..
with the rushing of stuff before new year holidays start.
nana give me a breakfast treat in the morning before work
and told me stuff bout her life.
it was nice of her.
=)
things were fine except i gort pissed off with haoxiang cux he didnt help me out at first.
burt he coaxed me and things gort better in the end.
and then i went to buy my clothes today!
kind of happy cux i gort the dress i saw with qinqin at mango tat day.
it's a sweet dress.
finally i found my new year clothes after shopping for 3weeks.
LOL?
it's sunday and u're gone again.
as usual,
i havent been talking to you.
it's like.. one week and 2 days since i talked to you.
and.. 3 weeks and 2 days since you talked to me.
it's shane ward's breathless on 98.7 fm now.
the artist n song u introduced me.
im thinking of you.
i feel so... helpless when it comes to you.
who could tell me ward to do?
who could tell me how to forget you?
work was crazy ytd..
with the rushing of stuff before new year holidays start.
nana give me a breakfast treat in the morning before work
and told me stuff bout her life.
it was nice of her.
=)
things were fine except i gort pissed off with haoxiang cux he didnt help me out at first.
burt he coaxed me and things gort better in the end.
and then i went to buy my clothes today!
kind of happy cux i gort the dress i saw with qinqin at mango tat day.
it's a sweet dress.
finally i found my new year clothes after shopping for 3weeks.
LOL?
it's sunday and u're gone again.
as usual,
i havent been talking to you.
it's like.. one week and 2 days since i talked to you.
and.. 3 weeks and 2 days since you talked to me.
it's shane ward's breathless on 98.7 fm now.
the artist n song u introduced me.
im thinking of you.
i feel so... helpless when it comes to you.
who could tell me ward to do?
who could tell me how to forget you?
Friday, February 01, 2008
today's work suck to a certain extent.
i shouldnt talk about ward sucked burt yes it's bcux of stupid AUNTIE-joyce and some stupid uncles again.
now i know nort only aunties are bad, uncles are as well.
( i dun mean all thou. jux tat alort of them do. )
basically, i hate the adult world.
i hate this society thing.
i dun wanna grow up,
can i remain a young 18 yr old pls?
burt it's impossible.
maybe when i turn 30 i will get so pissed off with the world the society the HUMAN creature and the turning old and wrinkles and stuff
then i will go kill myself and get reborn as a cat.
yes this sounds crazy burt who knows?
i might get so tired and sick of life i will do exactly tat.
or maybe on HIS wedding day i will do tat.
ah yes eunice goh dun be THAT crazy and stupid and dumb and retarded to kill urself when HE gets married to ANTH girl ok!
look im really crazy to think about these.
im just in one-of-those-kind-of-mood again.
i dun wanna tok bout such pissing-me-off stuff.
burt im seriously, very, super, tired.
my arms are aching like shit,
and tmr's saturday and yes there's work AGAIN.
i cant wait for the kbox meetup with shushu n qinqin.
i hope we'll organise it like SOON burt i know it will be at least after CNY hols.
it's like damn.
lately im starting to feel abit sad again.
im refraining myself ok? i really am trying very hard.
burt i guess im starting to have the "im-alone" mood AGAIN.
bcux nowadays, my beloved frens cant be there everyday to pull me out of the "alone-ness" thing.
nope im nort lonely, cux i know i have my sweetest and closest mates like qinqin n shushu.
burt i reali yearn for someone to be there for me.
i just need someone to be there for me whenever im tired..
to give me a chest to lie on and let me rest from the busy day.
i just need someone to be there for me whenever im sad..
to wipe my tears for me and give me a good ol' hug and tell me he's there and everything's gonna be alright.
i just need someone to be there for me whenever im angry n provoked
to give me a listening ear and pat my head and tell me tat i dun have to bother about such pple.
where is HE?
is it really THAT difficult to find someone who can do all these?
i know of someone who can definitely achieve these,
without me even saying anything he can guess my thoughts.
burt too bad,
he's nort mine.
and i dun think i'll ever have that one-tiny-weeny-chance.
all i ever need is that ONE chance.
you know?
it's been sooo long?
i know if i ever have that ONE chance,
i'll definitely hold onto it forever.
cux after going thru so much and so long,
i know more than anyone how impt you are.
the memories are still so vivid,
it was like yesterday.
burt we're all grown up now,
i cant believe how time flies.
cliche, burt i cant believe why fate abandoned us like that.
no.. fate abandoned me.
why must it be "fated burt nort meant to be"?
i would rather it be nort fated at all.
at least it would not make me hang onto it so much.
why let us be fated burt nort give us a chance?
why so cruel?
i was thinking the other day
if god ask me one day,
to give me a chance to go back to the past,
and skip the day knowing you,
will i want that?
im very determined and my answer will be,
even if i have to start all over,
go back to that day when i met u
and then go through all these all over again,
my answer is still NO.
i would go through these a million times if i could,
cux that would mean i could go through the days i spent with you for another million times.
it was only for a mere 5months or so,
burt do you know, those days with you were the happiest days of my life?
i've never regretted knowing you.
you are the only person i'll never, ever regret knowing.
i shouldnt talk about ward sucked burt yes it's bcux of stupid AUNTIE-joyce and some stupid uncles again.
now i know nort only aunties are bad, uncles are as well.
( i dun mean all thou. jux tat alort of them do. )
basically, i hate the adult world.
i hate this society thing.
i dun wanna grow up,
can i remain a young 18 yr old pls?
burt it's impossible.
maybe when i turn 30 i will get so pissed off with the world the society the HUMAN creature and the turning old and wrinkles and stuff
then i will go kill myself and get reborn as a cat.
yes this sounds crazy burt who knows?
i might get so tired and sick of life i will do exactly tat.
or maybe on HIS wedding day i will do tat.
ah yes eunice goh dun be THAT crazy and stupid and dumb and retarded to kill urself when HE gets married to ANTH girl ok!
look im really crazy to think about these.
im just in one-of-those-kind-of-mood again.
i dun wanna tok bout such pissing-me-off stuff.
burt im seriously, very, super, tired.
my arms are aching like shit,
and tmr's saturday and yes there's work AGAIN.
i cant wait for the kbox meetup with shushu n qinqin.
i hope we'll organise it like SOON burt i know it will be at least after CNY hols.
it's like damn.
lately im starting to feel abit sad again.
im refraining myself ok? i really am trying very hard.
burt i guess im starting to have the "im-alone" mood AGAIN.
bcux nowadays, my beloved frens cant be there everyday to pull me out of the "alone-ness" thing.
nope im nort lonely, cux i know i have my sweetest and closest mates like qinqin n shushu.
burt i reali yearn for someone to be there for me.
i just need someone to be there for me whenever im tired..
to give me a chest to lie on and let me rest from the busy day.
i just need someone to be there for me whenever im sad..
to wipe my tears for me and give me a good ol' hug and tell me he's there and everything's gonna be alright.
i just need someone to be there for me whenever im angry n provoked
to give me a listening ear and pat my head and tell me tat i dun have to bother about such pple.
where is HE?
is it really THAT difficult to find someone who can do all these?
i know of someone who can definitely achieve these,
without me even saying anything he can guess my thoughts.
burt too bad,
he's nort mine.
and i dun think i'll ever have that one-tiny-weeny-chance.
all i ever need is that ONE chance.
you know?
it's been sooo long?
i know if i ever have that ONE chance,
i'll definitely hold onto it forever.
cux after going thru so much and so long,
i know more than anyone how impt you are.
the memories are still so vivid,
it was like yesterday.
burt we're all grown up now,
i cant believe how time flies.
cliche, burt i cant believe why fate abandoned us like that.
no.. fate abandoned me.
why must it be "fated burt nort meant to be"?
i would rather it be nort fated at all.
at least it would not make me hang onto it so much.
why let us be fated burt nort give us a chance?
why so cruel?
i was thinking the other day
if god ask me one day,
to give me a chance to go back to the past,
and skip the day knowing you,
will i want that?
im very determined and my answer will be,
even if i have to start all over,
go back to that day when i met u
and then go through all these all over again,
my answer is still NO.
i would go through these a million times if i could,
cux that would mean i could go through the days i spent with you for another million times.
it was only for a mere 5months or so,
burt do you know, those days with you were the happiest days of my life?
i've never regretted knowing you.
you are the only person i'll never, ever regret knowing.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
went out with qin after work ytd!
it was funfunfun!
she was so crazy and i was so happy to see her.
we met at parkway at 6pm+
and then went for meesiam!
qin finally get to eat the meesiam after visiting there for the third time
(the first 2 times the stall wasnt up lol)
she had the sooo contented face when she finally get to eat it lol.
and then we talked and laughed so much we couldnt eat our dinner properly.
hahahas..
and then the guy sitting at the table behind us were staring at qinqin so weirdly when she pretended to cry
HAHAHA..
and we saw this auntie with a super HOT hairstyle
(qin said maybe she could balance a plate on her hair LOL)
i laughed so hard i was shaking and i almost puke out my laksa
in the end the both of us agreed to shut up and finish up our meal first
burt we always gave up and started talking.
lol.
afterwhich,
we went to shop arnd for my contact lens, clothes and toner,
while qin needed to shop for her present, teeth whitener and earphones.
she gave me lots of suggestions on clothes,
and there was this blouse she made me wear at espirit,
and i thought it was nice.
burt i wasnt used to seeing myself lidat so i didnt buy in the end..
i went to get contact lenses and the stupid shop took away my lenses and ask me to come back 20min later for an eye check up.
i just walked arnd like a blind woman and qin was my only support.
and i had to shop for clothes like that.
in the end i have to place the clothes so near to me squinting so tat i can see and i was like some weirdo.
qin just kept laughing and walking here and there to tease me
( cux she was my ONLY support, then i was like "qinqin where are you??!!" )
after tat we went back to the optics and then qin started to fool arnd again.
she said i looked like a cyclops with the optics specs
and then it's like qinqin went arnd disturbing pple tat we duno.
for example.
the guy said i could come back next time and ask for an eye check up again
then qin said "burt her eyes dont want to see you~~"
and then the guy laughed and muttered something i cant rmbr and she said
"burt her contact lenses dont want to see you~~"
then after tat i asked the guy if he needs to take a look at the eyedrops im using n he said ok
then qin said "burt her eyedrops dont want to see you~~"
then i was like (-______-)||
the guy must be cursing inside LOL.
then gort this woman who came in and shouted so loud at the guy
"oh HI JEREMIRE!" and started to ask him stuff
then before we left qin said
"BYE JEREMIRE~~"
and he was like "eh??how did u all know my name??"
burt we just laughed and said bye and left
leaving the silly guy feeling weird how we know his name.
LOLS!
after some shopping,
qin saw me to bedok interchange,
she wanted to see me home burt i didnt allowed
afterall she still have to work the next day.
i dun wan to see my fren so tired ok?=)
anyway...thanks for the dinner-meetup duh.
and thanks for seeing me home
we'll see each other very soon again huh?^^
today's work was fun cux nana came to help
then stupid nana keep irritating me again.
for example.
we were double checking the stocks,
so she's reading out the invoice numbers and im checking,
then it's like: -
nana: "6021"
me: "okie"
nana: "6069"
me: "okie"
nana: "6069"
me: "...okie here!"
nana: "6069"
me: (turning arnd to look at her) "i already said it's here lor! there!"
nana: "6069...the recorder spoil already. HAHAHHAHA!"
me: ".....(-____-)|| maybe if i try hitting the recorder it will be okie again."
nana: "6032....ok already HAHA."
and then i drew on nana's hand writing "IM DOREMON! HUG ME!"
lols...
so funny la. haha.
work's so fun with her arnd.
burt i really dread the work.
(T~T)
it was funfunfun!
she was so crazy and i was so happy to see her.
we met at parkway at 6pm+
and then went for meesiam!
qin finally get to eat the meesiam after visiting there for the third time
(the first 2 times the stall wasnt up lol)
she had the sooo contented face when she finally get to eat it lol.
and then we talked and laughed so much we couldnt eat our dinner properly.
hahahas..
and then the guy sitting at the table behind us were staring at qinqin so weirdly when she pretended to cry
HAHAHA..
and we saw this auntie with a super HOT hairstyle
(qin said maybe she could balance a plate on her hair LOL)
i laughed so hard i was shaking and i almost puke out my laksa
in the end the both of us agreed to shut up and finish up our meal first
burt we always gave up and started talking.
lol.
afterwhich,
we went to shop arnd for my contact lens, clothes and toner,
while qin needed to shop for her present, teeth whitener and earphones.
she gave me lots of suggestions on clothes,
and there was this blouse she made me wear at espirit,
and i thought it was nice.
burt i wasnt used to seeing myself lidat so i didnt buy in the end..
i went to get contact lenses and the stupid shop took away my lenses and ask me to come back 20min later for an eye check up.
i just walked arnd like a blind woman and qin was my only support.
and i had to shop for clothes like that.
in the end i have to place the clothes so near to me squinting so tat i can see and i was like some weirdo.
qin just kept laughing and walking here and there to tease me
( cux she was my ONLY support, then i was like "qinqin where are you??!!" )
after tat we went back to the optics and then qin started to fool arnd again.
she said i looked like a cyclops with the optics specs
and then it's like qinqin went arnd disturbing pple tat we duno.
for example.
the guy said i could come back next time and ask for an eye check up again
then qin said "burt her eyes dont want to see you~~"
and then the guy laughed and muttered something i cant rmbr and she said
"burt her contact lenses dont want to see you~~"
then after tat i asked the guy if he needs to take a look at the eyedrops im using n he said ok
then qin said "burt her eyedrops dont want to see you~~"
then i was like (-______-)||
the guy must be cursing inside LOL.
then gort this woman who came in and shouted so loud at the guy
"oh HI JEREMIRE!" and started to ask him stuff
then before we left qin said
"BYE JEREMIRE~~"
and he was like "eh??how did u all know my name??"
burt we just laughed and said bye and left
leaving the silly guy feeling weird how we know his name.
LOLS!
after some shopping,
qin saw me to bedok interchange,
she wanted to see me home burt i didnt allowed
afterall she still have to work the next day.
i dun wan to see my fren so tired ok?=)
anyway...thanks for the dinner-meetup duh.
and thanks for seeing me home
we'll see each other very soon again huh?^^
today's work was fun cux nana came to help
then stupid nana keep irritating me again.
for example.
we were double checking the stocks,
so she's reading out the invoice numbers and im checking,
then it's like: -
nana: "6021"
me: "okie"
nana: "6069"
me: "okie"
nana: "6069"
me: "...okie here!"
nana: "6069"
me: (turning arnd to look at her) "i already said it's here lor! there!"
nana: "6069...the recorder spoil already. HAHAHHAHA!"
me: ".....(-____-)|| maybe if i try hitting the recorder it will be okie again."
nana: "6032....ok already HAHA."
and then i drew on nana's hand writing "IM DOREMON! HUG ME!"
lols...
so funny la. haha.
work's so fun with her arnd.
burt i really dread the work.
(T~T)
Friday, January 25, 2008
imissngqinling
imissngqinling
imissngqinling
imissngqinling
imissngqinling
so happy ngqinling actuali come ask me go gaigai.
cant wait.
=D
imisscheongsiokwen
imisscheongsiokwen
imisscheongsiokwen
imisscheongsiokwen
imisscheongsiokwen
so happy she bought me on human pets lol.
ihatework
ihatework
ihatework
ihatework
ihatework
cant wait to find anth job and get out of this sai gang.
argh! tmr's saturday and still there's WORK!
i wanna sleep kns.
and sat's job is normally SUPER hectic than weekdays.
KNS.
today stupid nana keep hitting my head with the invoices.
( she did tat 5 times seperately. )
and then scared me THRICE today.
pinched me ONCE today.
( cux she said she's cute and i said "hey look the sky's blue" )
blowed into my ear ONCE today.
( when i was talking to a customer on the phone )
and laughed at me when haoxiang smacked my hand today.
( cux he dun allow me to carry the super heavy curtains )
sometimes i really wonder if she's really 30? or younger than me?
(-_____-)
everytime i see nana i will think of ngqinling.
as cheeky as ngqinling.
nana's very nice.
and she makes me miss qinqin.
=(
thanks nana for making work fun.
haoxiang is nice too la,
seriously.
grateful to him to help me carry stuff all the time,
even the light ones.
thank you too.
=)
today's is the end of his two weeks confinement.
shushu,
in the end i still sent ler.
short and simple de.
i think it's impt, cux today's more special than CNY.
so yes, CNY im nort sending.
i think it's insignificant to send for CNY.
this is much more a meaningful n significant thing.
he's online now.
should be super tired.
maybe jux woke up from nap too?
lol i think too much too far.
still.
i dun expect anything in return.
im glad he's back.
even if to him, it shldnt mean anything to me.
burt to me, it means alort.
so well.
im limiting myself alort, and im doin it well.
im glad to be able to achieve this
cux i dun wan to be a burden or watever.
hey, have a good rest boy. =)
imissngqinling
imissngqinling
imissngqinling
imissngqinling
so happy ngqinling actuali come ask me go gaigai.
cant wait.
=D
imisscheongsiokwen
imisscheongsiokwen
imisscheongsiokwen
imisscheongsiokwen
imisscheongsiokwen
so happy she bought me on human pets lol.
ihatework
ihatework
ihatework
ihatework
ihatework
cant wait to find anth job and get out of this sai gang.
argh! tmr's saturday and still there's WORK!
i wanna sleep kns.
and sat's job is normally SUPER hectic than weekdays.
KNS.
today stupid nana keep hitting my head with the invoices.
( she did tat 5 times seperately. )
and then scared me THRICE today.
pinched me ONCE today.
( cux she said she's cute and i said "hey look the sky's blue" )
blowed into my ear ONCE today.
( when i was talking to a customer on the phone )
and laughed at me when haoxiang smacked my hand today.
( cux he dun allow me to carry the super heavy curtains )
sometimes i really wonder if she's really 30? or younger than me?
(-_____-)
everytime i see nana i will think of ngqinling.
as cheeky as ngqinling.
nana's very nice.
and she makes me miss qinqin.
=(
thanks nana for making work fun.
haoxiang is nice too la,
seriously.
grateful to him to help me carry stuff all the time,
even the light ones.
thank you too.
=)
today's is the end of his two weeks confinement.
shushu,
in the end i still sent ler.
short and simple de.
i think it's impt, cux today's more special than CNY.
so yes, CNY im nort sending.
i think it's insignificant to send for CNY.
this is much more a meaningful n significant thing.
he's online now.
should be super tired.
maybe jux woke up from nap too?
lol i think too much too far.
still.
i dun expect anything in return.
im glad he's back.
even if to him, it shldnt mean anything to me.
burt to me, it means alort.
so well.
im limiting myself alort, and im doin it well.
im glad to be able to achieve this
cux i dun wan to be a burden or watever.
hey, have a good rest boy. =)
Monday, January 21, 2008
so tired today!
after the whole day of play ytd i still must WORK today.
i woke up feeling tired and sleepy
and sleep-walked to my office after a long stand on the bus.
and then sleep-talked to my colleagues+frens
and haoxiang asked me why i look so out-of-spirit
and siqi asked me if i slept late last night.
then i just zZzZz... the whole morning.
and forget some stocks and joyce reminded me.
then i gort so guilty and concentrated on work.
and haoxiang keep entertaining me to wake me up
so at the end of the day i was like laughing until i get cramps hahas!
and so nice! after tat day boss-mak treat us ice-cream,
qifeng treated us tea-eggs today!
and duno-who (i think it's boss-ken) treated us cakes.
yum!
i have nice colleagues =)
burt i really dun feel like working on sia...
work is really so tiring.
burt..hais.
i like the colleagues there
and if i dun work it's so bored.
ARGH!
miss school =(
after the whole day of play ytd i still must WORK today.
i woke up feeling tired and sleepy
and sleep-walked to my office after a long stand on the bus.
and then sleep-talked to my colleagues+frens
and haoxiang asked me why i look so out-of-spirit
and siqi asked me if i slept late last night.
then i just zZzZz... the whole morning.
and forget some stocks and joyce reminded me.
then i gort so guilty and concentrated on work.
and haoxiang keep entertaining me to wake me up
so at the end of the day i was like laughing until i get cramps hahas!
and so nice! after tat day boss-mak treat us ice-cream,
qifeng treated us tea-eggs today!
and duno-who (i think it's boss-ken) treated us cakes.
yum!
i have nice colleagues =)
burt i really dun feel like working on sia...
work is really so tiring.
burt..hais.
i like the colleagues there
and if i dun work it's so bored.
ARGH!
miss school =(
Sunday, January 20, 2008
today's another one of the best day of my life.
it was quite a crazy day,
me and my frens went escape and then to wildwildwet.
and we really had great fun
wasnt quite looking forward to it at first cux i tort escape is laopokpok
burt after going i think,
for a small country like singapore it's relatively acceptable ler.
met shushu at pasir ris mrt at 11.30 (supposed to be 11.15, burt sorry shu, i was late)
then went for lunch at white sands mac.
it sounds silly burt im so glad to eat mac with my close fren again.
since work started all i've eaten is at the food court with my colleagues.
which is SUPER boring.
the same place EVERYDAY.
(-_____-)||
so after tat qinqin reached,
and we acc her to the kopitiam at the top level
soon the rest subsequently came too,
and i was quite shocked to see zarifah wearing a headscarf for the first time.
i keep teasing her tat her scarf would fly to her face during the rides
and if she went WWW she'll turn into octopus.
L o L
im bad so sorry it's jux a joke okie=x
so we went escape,
meeting anna there,
and we went for the first ride which was alright and comfy
so nice i could sleep there
burt was getting abit dizzy n nauseous at the end.
L o L
so i thought "hey the rides aint too scary"
until siokwen led us to the second ride at the "inverter"
OH MAN I SWEAR I WILL NEVER!EVER! SIT THAT RIDE AGAIN
it almost scare the hell out of me okie!
it jux turn you upside down
again and again
i was screaming like mad and keep saying "faster finish laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"
and then there's this part where they just stop you there
hanging in the air UPSIDE DOWN
my slippers almost fell and i just stepped hard
the blood rushed to my head and it was so uncomfy
and i thought im going to fall,
land on my head straight down with a "BAM!"
and die.
(-______-)
so i jux kept screaming althou i almost choked screaming UPSIDE DOWN.
i will never sit that stupid "inverter" ride again.
after which,
we went to take the pirate ship
and according to qinling's description, they are 4 fcking guys sitting behind us
screaming like sh!t and almost made me n qin go deaf.
and they screamed on purpose. kns.
the pirate ship wasnt tat scary at first, only when it swung the highest
so i grabbed qin's arm. l o l.
and hey, it made me feel so much better duh.
after the pirate ship, we went to take "rainbow"
it was a super nice ride!
nort scary AT ALL and comfy
nice view when u're at the top.
burt zarifah was so scared and her eyes gort red.
err...(-___-)
then i keep saying "zarifah where's ur house?look for it!"
L o L.
and then we went to the haunted house which is SO FAKE.
before going in we were all so scared
then we formed a "chu-chu-train"
L o L.
then there's tis staff guiding behind us,
and making weird noises to scare us every now and then.
at first i was scared by him (cux me and qin were standing at the back of the chuchutrain)
then i was like "ward's tat??!!!"
and squeezed qinling's hand like ward.
then she told me "aiya it's jux the stupid guy la"
then i nort scared liao L o L.
burt the guy was quite good at mimicking ghost wails sia hahas.
and then we went for the go-kart.
it was nice! i drove zarifah wahahaha!
burt we all saw ward a hell-driver jiajia was.
qinqin (who was sitting beside her) was pale like ghost and scared like shit.
L o L!
and then we went WWW!
burt anna n zarifah didnt go.
so the 5 of us had a nice time floating at the SHIOK RIVER ( l o l )
and the bigbig float was great and exciting!
and we oso went to the tsunami which i was so scared i would drown
thank god qinqin was so nice to take care of me all the time.
and then the girls played at the "samsung" thing which i die die dun dare play
so i went off by myself while waiting for them
i went alone to the SHIOK river and met one pervert uncle and two pervert malay ahbengs.
kns.
si uncle! go eat shit okie! dun come here gross n freak pple out.
so old already go die la.
well. dun tok about those things already.
luckily i faster swim away (okok float away ok? -.-)
then went back for qin n shushu.
then we went to sit the big float again
then went to the slides
and they all bully me by dragging me to the pail and pouring water over me
(T~T)
BAD QINQIN AND JIAJIA.
*pouts*
then they still force me go play the "samsung"
i really scared until like shit.
the float go down tat time i really very scared the whole thing will topple over then me n huiting will smash into the wall.
(T~T)
i just screamed and the "splash!"
a big splash of water splash into my mouth and nose.
(-_____-)
then i was like "puipuipui~!"
(-_____-)
stupid huiting still keep laughing at me.
sobsobs (T~T)
lalalala! im so happy today! =D
it was quite a crazy day,
me and my frens went escape and then to wildwildwet.
and we really had great fun
wasnt quite looking forward to it at first cux i tort escape is laopokpok
burt after going i think,
for a small country like singapore it's relatively acceptable ler.
met shushu at pasir ris mrt at 11.30 (supposed to be 11.15, burt sorry shu, i was late)
then went for lunch at white sands mac.
it sounds silly burt im so glad to eat mac with my close fren again.
since work started all i've eaten is at the food court with my colleagues.
which is SUPER boring.
the same place EVERYDAY.
(-_____-)||
so after tat qinqin reached,
and we acc her to the kopitiam at the top level
soon the rest subsequently came too,
and i was quite shocked to see zarifah wearing a headscarf for the first time.
i keep teasing her tat her scarf would fly to her face during the rides
and if she went WWW she'll turn into octopus.
L o L
im bad so sorry it's jux a joke okie=x
so we went escape,
meeting anna there,
and we went for the first ride which was alright and comfy
so nice i could sleep there
burt was getting abit dizzy n nauseous at the end.
L o L
so i thought "hey the rides aint too scary"
until siokwen led us to the second ride at the "inverter"
OH MAN I SWEAR I WILL NEVER!EVER! SIT THAT RIDE AGAIN
it almost scare the hell out of me okie!
it jux turn you upside down
again and again
i was screaming like mad and keep saying "faster finish laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!"
and then there's this part where they just stop you there
hanging in the air UPSIDE DOWN
my slippers almost fell and i just stepped hard
the blood rushed to my head and it was so uncomfy
and i thought im going to fall,
land on my head straight down with a "BAM!"
and die.
(-______-)
so i jux kept screaming althou i almost choked screaming UPSIDE DOWN.
i will never sit that stupid "inverter" ride again.
after which,
we went to take the pirate ship
and according to qinling's description, they are 4 fcking guys sitting behind us
screaming like sh!t and almost made me n qin go deaf.
and they screamed on purpose. kns.
the pirate ship wasnt tat scary at first, only when it swung the highest
so i grabbed qin's arm. l o l.
and hey, it made me feel so much better duh.
after the pirate ship, we went to take "rainbow"
it was a super nice ride!
nort scary AT ALL and comfy
nice view when u're at the top.
burt zarifah was so scared and her eyes gort red.
err...(-___-)
then i keep saying "zarifah where's ur house?look for it!"
L o L.
and then we went to the haunted house which is SO FAKE.
before going in we were all so scared
then we formed a "chu-chu-train"
L o L.
then there's tis staff guiding behind us,
and making weird noises to scare us every now and then.
at first i was scared by him (cux me and qin were standing at the back of the chuchutrain)
then i was like "ward's tat??!!!"
and squeezed qinling's hand like ward.
then she told me "aiya it's jux the stupid guy la"
then i nort scared liao L o L.
burt the guy was quite good at mimicking ghost wails sia hahas.
and then we went for the go-kart.
it was nice! i drove zarifah wahahaha!
burt we all saw ward a hell-driver jiajia was.
qinqin (who was sitting beside her) was pale like ghost and scared like shit.
L o L!
and then we went WWW!
burt anna n zarifah didnt go.
so the 5 of us had a nice time floating at the SHIOK RIVER ( l o l )
and the bigbig float was great and exciting!
and we oso went to the tsunami which i was so scared i would drown
thank god qinqin was so nice to take care of me all the time.
and then the girls played at the "samsung" thing which i die die dun dare play
so i went off by myself while waiting for them
i went alone to the SHIOK river and met one pervert uncle and two pervert malay ahbengs.
kns.
si uncle! go eat shit okie! dun come here gross n freak pple out.
so old already go die la.
well. dun tok about those things already.
luckily i faster swim away (okok float away ok? -.-)
then went back for qin n shushu.
then we went to sit the big float again
then went to the slides
and they all bully me by dragging me to the pail and pouring water over me
(T~T)
BAD QINQIN AND JIAJIA.
*pouts*
then they still force me go play the "samsung"
i really scared until like shit.
the float go down tat time i really very scared the whole thing will topple over then me n huiting will smash into the wall.
(T~T)
i just screamed and the "splash!"
a big splash of water splash into my mouth and nose.
(-_____-)
then i was like "puipuipui~!"
(-_____-)
stupid huiting still keep laughing at me.
sobsobs (T~T)
lalalala! im so happy today! =D
Friday, January 11, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
hi tekong, bye hinfan.
... ... ...
he's leaving tomorrow,
according to huimin it shld be 7.45am
and im struggling to forget
burt today at work
when i was staring at the calender doing my invoices
with the big "january" on top
with the numbers 1-9 cancelled
with the number 10 circled
and that UGLY number 11 jux sitting there mocking at me.
and my heart soured.
burt i shook it off and concentrated on my work.
it was my first day of work of my whole 18 years of age.
and i was slogged like shit.
checking stocks, carrying stocks, checking invoices for the millionth time
calling pple, checking datelines, taking down stuff.
burt i thought it was manageable,
althou i was aching all over after it ended.
and it was good to have work to keep him off my mind.
i made a decision.
im nort going to contact him anymore.
im leaving his world n relief the burden from him.
i wan him to go NS carefreely.
so tmr..
is the last day of freedom for him (before he goes NS)
and it will also be the last day im bothering him ever again.
it's painful burt i made the decision.
i would rather hurt than let him find me irritating.
i would rather hurt than let him dislike me.
so i feel like shit now.
bcux after tomorrow
im keeping my memories of him shut deep down in my heart.
bcux after tomorrow
i wouldnt remind him of me again.
so after tomorrow... ...
i would be slowly forgotten by him.
i really need someone by me now.
qin, shu, min.
burt they're all busy i guess,
and im on my own.
almost cant take it anymore..
my nephew aka my fren came immediately to me when i told him.
yes, tat 22yr old nephew.
he's so nice. thank god he's here.
and he managed to help me force my tears down.
i hope my decision could last.
i've been falling for fan over n over again.
everytime i said i'd forget burt i'll fall for him again.
i hope this time it's for good.
i feel horrible living in another person's shadow.
yet i feel so much happiness at the same time,
to know tat im living in his shadow.
bcux it's him and nort others.
i feel so worthless.
so dumb.
tomorrow before he books in,
im leaving him a msg.
the last msg.
to say goodbye.
yuen. hin. fan.
a name n person so dear to me for years,
since i was a child.
now im trying, trying very hard to forget this name and this person.
will i succeed? after failing so many times can i?
pray hard for me?
=)
... ... ...
he's leaving tomorrow,
according to huimin it shld be 7.45am
and im struggling to forget
burt today at work
when i was staring at the calender doing my invoices
with the big "january" on top
with the numbers 1-9 cancelled
with the number 10 circled
and that UGLY number 11 jux sitting there mocking at me.
and my heart soured.
burt i shook it off and concentrated on my work.
it was my first day of work of my whole 18 years of age.
and i was slogged like shit.
checking stocks, carrying stocks, checking invoices for the millionth time
calling pple, checking datelines, taking down stuff.
burt i thought it was manageable,
althou i was aching all over after it ended.
and it was good to have work to keep him off my mind.
i made a decision.
im nort going to contact him anymore.
im leaving his world n relief the burden from him.
i wan him to go NS carefreely.
so tmr..
is the last day of freedom for him (before he goes NS)
and it will also be the last day im bothering him ever again.
it's painful burt i made the decision.
i would rather hurt than let him find me irritating.
i would rather hurt than let him dislike me.
so i feel like shit now.
bcux after tomorrow
im keeping my memories of him shut deep down in my heart.
bcux after tomorrow
i wouldnt remind him of me again.
so after tomorrow... ...
i would be slowly forgotten by him.
i really need someone by me now.
qin, shu, min.
burt they're all busy i guess,
and im on my own.
almost cant take it anymore..
my nephew aka my fren came immediately to me when i told him.
yes, tat 22yr old nephew.
he's so nice. thank god he's here.
and he managed to help me force my tears down.
i hope my decision could last.
i've been falling for fan over n over again.
everytime i said i'd forget burt i'll fall for him again.
i hope this time it's for good.
i feel horrible living in another person's shadow.
yet i feel so much happiness at the same time,
to know tat im living in his shadow.
bcux it's him and nort others.
i feel so worthless.
so dumb.
tomorrow before he books in,
im leaving him a msg.
the last msg.
to say goodbye.
yuen. hin. fan.
a name n person so dear to me for years,
since i was a child.
now im trying, trying very hard to forget this name and this person.
will i succeed? after failing so many times can i?
pray hard for me?
=)
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
been talking to my nephew on msn today n ytd
althou he's my nephew, he's 22yrs old already
a very nice guy..
today he gave me some advice
"if to you, he is ur motivation, burt to him, you are just a passing cloud that leaves no trail in his heart, why still hang on?"
"one should nort live in another's shadow."
so inspired.
im pondering on these words.
hopefully it will help me.
althou he's my nephew, he's 22yrs old already
a very nice guy..
today he gave me some advice
"if to you, he is ur motivation, burt to him, you are just a passing cloud that leaves no trail in his heart, why still hang on?"
"one should nort live in another's shadow."
so inspired.
im pondering on these words.
hopefully it will help me.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
tis is in response to qin's blog.
it gave me some urge to write smth back. hahas.
all i want for new year is someone who'll love me whole-heartedly n be there for me all the time. of cux, tis someone mux be someone whom i love, too. isnt it jux so simple?
burt life is nort like tat. heaven wldnt even give u this most-simplest thing.
im nort expecting anything. im nort even hoping cux hope gave up on me so many times.
burt im yearning.. yearning so much for something yet so far away from me.
it's unreachable. unachievable.
working for it does nort necessarily means u'll get it.
love dun work tis way.
if only it does.
if it does,
i dun care whether the process will tire me out.. or even kill me
i will jux work for it even if it means my everything.
burt it doesnt.
and i can only content myself with ward's left.
and still working for it.
with a heart that wouldnt give up no matter how much i wished it would.
im jux stating my thoughts.
so nope this is nort emo-ing too.
hahas congrats me i havent been emo-ing today. =)
it gave me some urge to write smth back. hahas.
all i want for new year is someone who'll love me whole-heartedly n be there for me all the time. of cux, tis someone mux be someone whom i love, too. isnt it jux so simple?
burt life is nort like tat. heaven wldnt even give u this most-simplest thing.
im nort expecting anything. im nort even hoping cux hope gave up on me so many times.
burt im yearning.. yearning so much for something yet so far away from me.
it's unreachable. unachievable.
working for it does nort necessarily means u'll get it.
love dun work tis way.
if only it does.
if it does,
i dun care whether the process will tire me out.. or even kill me
i will jux work for it even if it means my everything.
burt it doesnt.
and i can only content myself with ward's left.
and still working for it.
with a heart that wouldnt give up no matter how much i wished it would.
im jux stating my thoughts.
so nope this is nort emo-ing too.
hahas congrats me i havent been emo-ing today. =)
Monday, January 07, 2008
~3 more days and he's leaving~
today nvr really emo
cux i was so happy to be chatting with my dear qinqin huitingting n huiminmin
after toking to them the heavy feeling in my heart is slightly removed
=)
hms.
he's nort online now eh.
think he's trying to enjoy the last 3 days of freedom he has.
and soon it's byebye to his hair!
LOLS.
burt even if his hair is gone,
still... ... ... =)
kekex.
im trying to maintain my slightly above average mood now.
dun wanna emo ler! =)
starting to dislike emo-ing despite it being my fav hobby in the past.
starting to think emo very painful and uneasy.
so im trying to kick tat habit lo!
YAY!
went for interview today.
dun care ler.
im trying to apply for many many job
see which one accept me.
i wanna work fast!
it will help me kick the bad habit of emo-ing! =)
hahas im abit "self high" now.
despite the fact tat most of my close frens r nort online to tok to me
(-______-)
jux toking to my sec sch senior now.
so actuali kind of sian.
hahas *shrugs*
he still look the same.
and my the other senior is still as good looking.
hahahahahahahas.
no wonder xinrou was head over heels over him in the past =x
argh! im getting bored again.
and he just came back!
burt im NORT talking to him.
he deserve a good rest after playing the whole day
and he definitely needs a good time before he's stuck in NS.
so im NORT disturbing him.
NONONONONONONONO.
*controls myself before i type smth to him.*
ok i btr go offline
before i cant control myself and go kachiao him.
byebye all my beloved frens!
good night!
good night fan =)
today nvr really emo
cux i was so happy to be chatting with my dear qinqin huitingting n huiminmin
after toking to them the heavy feeling in my heart is slightly removed
=)
hms.
he's nort online now eh.
think he's trying to enjoy the last 3 days of freedom he has.
and soon it's byebye to his hair!
LOLS.
burt even if his hair is gone,
still... ... ... =)
kekex.
im trying to maintain my slightly above average mood now.
dun wanna emo ler! =)
starting to dislike emo-ing despite it being my fav hobby in the past.
starting to think emo very painful and uneasy.
so im trying to kick tat habit lo!
YAY!
went for interview today.
dun care ler.
im trying to apply for many many job
see which one accept me.
i wanna work fast!
it will help me kick the bad habit of emo-ing! =)
hahas im abit "self high" now.
despite the fact tat most of my close frens r nort online to tok to me
(-______-)
jux toking to my sec sch senior now.
so actuali kind of sian.
hahas *shrugs*
he still look the same.
and my the other senior is still as good looking.
hahahahahahahas.
no wonder xinrou was head over heels over him in the past =x
argh! im getting bored again.
and he just came back!
burt im NORT talking to him.
he deserve a good rest after playing the whole day
and he definitely needs a good time before he's stuck in NS.
so im NORT disturbing him.
NONONONONONONONO.
*controls myself before i type smth to him.*
ok i btr go offline
before i cant control myself and go kachiao him.
byebye all my beloved frens!
good night!
good night fan =)
Saturday, January 05, 2008
im sho. damn. bored.
guess i've to quickly find a job n get occupied before im bored to death.
when i was in hk i was busy everyday
going out n stuff
suddenly being back in singapore feels so quiet.
and..
WHERE ARE MY FRENS???!!!!!!!!!
zzz... ...
he's coming back tmr!
burt anth 5 more days, 11th jan
his going away again
to tekong this time.
(T~T)
sigh~~~~
guess i've to quickly find a job n get occupied before im bored to death.
when i was in hk i was busy everyday
going out n stuff
suddenly being back in singapore feels so quiet.
and..
WHERE ARE MY FRENS???!!!!!!!!!
zzz... ...
he's coming back tmr!
burt anth 5 more days, 11th jan
his going away again
to tekong this time.
(T~T)
sigh~~~~
Friday, January 04, 2008
hi everyone im back to singapore.
hongkong was so so so great.
came back on wed night
then on thurs i jux slept ALORT.
then early morning today at 7.30am i woke up from an excellent dream
i shouldnt say who i dreamt of huh? hahas.
so i wanted to go back to sleep to continue the dream
burt i started feeling DAMN uncomfortable
so i ran to the toilet n started puking.
so yupps. tat's ward i've been doing today.
puke. stomach ache. diarrhea. puke. stomach ache. diarrhea.
oh yes n slept throughout the whole day.
from 8plus to 11am
then went to see doc
then slept again from 12pm to 3pm
eat med watch dvd play my ds lite
then pukepukepuke cux the med effect was over
so went to sleep again from 5-7pm
and the doc gave me a SUPER BIG JAB on my BUTT.
super painful de.
nw my butt feels sore whenever the painkiller effect is off.
(T~T)
still feeling abit nauseous now. argh.
when i left hongkong i was sad.
on the plane i looked out of the window at the country..till it was out of my sight as the plane rose higher n higher.
then a few drops of tears rolled down. burt wasnt obvious.
so i wiped it off.
then i tort of the time when i boarded the plane in singapore.
i was so happy at the tort im flying to where he is.
then now im sad leaving where he is.
burt hey! he's coming back in anth 2 days! =D
i was thinking when i was on the plane.
i felt so at loss n empty when i left hongkong for singapore. and when i left singapore for hongkong.
i hate tat kind of feeling. it's so... ...uneasy.
then i wonder y i feel tat way?
cux of my frens. n cux of him.
so sian.
hongkong's so good i wan to study uni there.
almost didnt want to come back.
burt i missed my frens n all here.
zzzz~~~
sigh. i btr get going. the med's making me drowsy.
so yupps..bye all!
hongkong was so so so great.
came back on wed night
then on thurs i jux slept ALORT.
then early morning today at 7.30am i woke up from an excellent dream
i shouldnt say who i dreamt of huh? hahas.
so i wanted to go back to sleep to continue the dream
burt i started feeling DAMN uncomfortable
so i ran to the toilet n started puking.
so yupps. tat's ward i've been doing today.
puke. stomach ache. diarrhea. puke. stomach ache. diarrhea.
oh yes n slept throughout the whole day.
from 8plus to 11am
then went to see doc
then slept again from 12pm to 3pm
eat med watch dvd play my ds lite
then pukepukepuke cux the med effect was over
so went to sleep again from 5-7pm
and the doc gave me a SUPER BIG JAB on my BUTT.
super painful de.
nw my butt feels sore whenever the painkiller effect is off.
(T~T)
still feeling abit nauseous now. argh.
when i left hongkong i was sad.
on the plane i looked out of the window at the country..till it was out of my sight as the plane rose higher n higher.
then a few drops of tears rolled down. burt wasnt obvious.
so i wiped it off.
then i tort of the time when i boarded the plane in singapore.
i was so happy at the tort im flying to where he is.
then now im sad leaving where he is.
burt hey! he's coming back in anth 2 days! =D
i was thinking when i was on the plane.
i felt so at loss n empty when i left hongkong for singapore. and when i left singapore for hongkong.
i hate tat kind of feeling. it's so... ...uneasy.
then i wonder y i feel tat way?
cux of my frens. n cux of him.
so sian.
hongkong's so good i wan to study uni there.
almost didnt want to come back.
burt i missed my frens n all here.
zzzz~~~
sigh. i btr get going. the med's making me drowsy.
so yupps..bye all!
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
hi pple im back!
im sorry for the late replies n late updates
cux i went to guangzhou (sucky cheeena)
and onli came back on monday.
actuali wanted to come back n blog about how BAD cheeena is
burt im in a good mood today bcux IT'S RAINING HERE IN HONGKONG!!
so im sho happy to wake up to the nice, cold, fresh air
and the drizzling nice rainy view outside my bedroom window
which is jux right in front of my bed.
so yupps im sho happy so i wldnt wanna tok about the sucky encounters i had in stupid cheena.
since it's raining here in hk the weather is turning colder
which is great! seems like this christmas would be a freezy n nice one.
=)
ytd was 19degrees, i guess it's arnd 15degrees now barhs? ^^
im so so so glad n happy to come back to hk
and ytd when i checked my mails, blog, frenster facebk etc
im so happy to recieve all the mails, msgs n comments from my dear frens
thank u pple!=)
u guys certainly made my day^^
tmr i might be going to a "tour" to hk universities
cant wait! hahas!
yupps im going to take a look
then i will apply for both singapore n hk universities
see which is willing to accept me lor lols.
with my bad results i only can wait for schools to choose me,
i've no rights to choose schools sobs.
went surfing arnd the net
hinfan's frenster shoutout says he's sick, mental n physical.
i wonder ward tat means
and i wonder if he's okie.
sigh.
wish i could tok to him n ask him if he's alright.
huimin.
i saw yj's frenster leh
and saw tis photo.
i think u see ler will gek.
if u view his profile i think u'll noe which photo im referring to.
hais~~
we both lead a sad life.
zzz...
any updates huimin?
all my frens reply me fast!!!!
cant wait to recieve ur mails n msgs again!!!!!=D
im sorry for the late replies n late updates
cux i went to guangzhou (sucky cheeena)
and onli came back on monday.
actuali wanted to come back n blog about how BAD cheeena is
burt im in a good mood today bcux IT'S RAINING HERE IN HONGKONG!!
so im sho happy to wake up to the nice, cold, fresh air
and the drizzling nice rainy view outside my bedroom window
which is jux right in front of my bed.
so yupps im sho happy so i wldnt wanna tok about the sucky encounters i had in stupid cheena.
since it's raining here in hk the weather is turning colder
which is great! seems like this christmas would be a freezy n nice one.
=)
ytd was 19degrees, i guess it's arnd 15degrees now barhs? ^^
im so so so glad n happy to come back to hk
and ytd when i checked my mails, blog, frenster facebk etc
im so happy to recieve all the mails, msgs n comments from my dear frens
thank u pple!=)
u guys certainly made my day^^
tmr i might be going to a "tour" to hk universities
cant wait! hahas!
yupps im going to take a look
then i will apply for both singapore n hk universities
see which is willing to accept me lor lols.
with my bad results i only can wait for schools to choose me,
i've no rights to choose schools sobs.
went surfing arnd the net
hinfan's frenster shoutout says he's sick, mental n physical.
i wonder ward tat means
and i wonder if he's okie.
sigh.
wish i could tok to him n ask him if he's alright.
huimin.
i saw yj's frenster leh
and saw tis photo.
i think u see ler will gek.
if u view his profile i think u'll noe which photo im referring to.
hais~~
we both lead a sad life.
zzz...
any updates huimin?
all my frens reply me fast!!!!
cant wait to recieve ur mails n msgs again!!!!!=D
